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Shitty Biz

In the crapper… I’ll try to keep the jokes to a minimum in this email but being honest, will probably do a crap job at it.

Poop everywhere… This business is pooping up everywhere. It’s simple. You have dog(s) and a yard and minimal time. Someone will offer their poop scooper services to come and clean up the pet poop from your yard for a fee.

How it works is easy:

1. You typically fill out a form with number of dogs and square foot of the yard

2. Poop scooper provides a quote

3. They come to, ya know, scoop poop

4. You pay them

5. We hold off on shaking hands

The best part about this business is all of the poop scooping services names, here’s a few of my faves:

• Doody Calls

• Ahhhhh Crap

• Poop Busters

• Scoopology Poop Removal

• POOP 911

• Poopless in Seattle

Being an adult is fun 😹 

Anyways, with so much competition around, this got me thinking. How much crap does it take in this business to make a living? And how could you scale this to make a sh💩t load of money?

The End Goal

Butt wait, there’s more… I imagine your poop empire would look like this:

• Multi city range

• An army of poop scoopers

• Forms that can generate auto quotes for fast response times

• Offer complementary pet services; grooming, walking, sitting, etc

• And of course so so much more poop puns

Similar to Rover or Wag but just for poop. Scale it big enough and one of those companies would probably just buy your sh💩tty empire.

Ultimately this would look like a poop pyramid scheme. You start off picking up poop, hire other poop pickers, who hire more poop pickers, all while you’re sitting on top of your porcelain throne counting your butt bucks.

One company that is crushing it is Pooper Trooper, based in the Puget Sound WA. They offer HOA, residential, poop equipment installation/products and have been going since 1989! That’s a lot of 💩 !! Hit them up if you’re in their service area and find out why they have such great reviews.

The MVP (Minimum Viable Product)

Ruff smells… this is a fairly easy business to start. I don’t know if it could be any easier. All you need is this:

• Trash bags

• Pooper scooper or Gloves

• A clever poop pun company name

• A very tough nose

Tell the world about your services. I’m a big fan of DM (Direct Mail) but neighborhood pages and NextDoor is where you’re going to find all of your customers in one place. Thousands of people (potential customers) will see your posts and you can start to land leads without leaving the comfort of your home.

I’m going to try this myself with a previous Ghost Biz idea (trash can cleaning service) to test the demand in the market.

Doo-dude… If you’re worried about disappointing your parents for becoming a doctor lawyer astronaut poop pro, don’t be, there’s dollars in those feces.

But how much?

• The average poop scooper charges ~$20/week per house (depending on the size of yard, zip code and number of dogs

• This can take anywhere between 15 to 30 min

• On average this is about $40-60/hr

• 10 houses a day will land you ~ $200 (not great)

(Side Note: if you’re likin what I’m typin, please kindly tap the subscribe button at your earliest convenience. It gets you more of this writing and gets me closer to my goal of writing full time 😀 )

Scaling Up

Pile-o-poop… Looking at the residential numbers, business isn’t booming. So we’ll have to go commercial to reach some income we can give a crap about.

Commercial options:

1. HOA (Home Owner Associations) have solid contracts where you can clean up the shared/dog areas

2. Apartment complexes is also a great way to have reoccurring weekly income

3. Pet friendly AirBnbs and VRBOs, owners aren’t there and some landscaping companies don’t do poop pickup

4. Parks and public spaces, sure the signs are there to pick up after your dog but lets be real, they could use the help

Poop saturation… Once your saturated in poop contracts, you can hire others and take a percentage (I hear 20% is the going rate) off the top of their contracts or hire someone at a flat hourly rate.

Viability:

1 [building spaceships] 🚀 to 5 [easy peasy] 😊 

Ah crap… This is incredibly easy to start and would take little money to do so. It is laborious though, constantly bending over to pick up turds can really do a number on your back.

There appears to be high demand for poop scoopers so this could be an easy side hustle to get started on the weekends to see if you enjoy it at all.

(As usual each business will have it’s own setbacks, and it’s all about the execution and consistency rather than just having the idea 😉)

It’s a great day to be great!

Love, Mike

 👋 

Ghost